theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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