apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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