So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Randomize
