he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
