I love black thongs
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
