Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
