How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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