Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
