Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
