ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
