Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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