if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
