My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
how does that bad decision feel?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
