i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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