he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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