he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
