I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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