God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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