No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
