Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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