ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
