'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Found the puke drawer
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
