the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
