hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
