Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
