i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He felt like a one man threesome
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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