Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
