beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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