i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
