They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
