How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Fuck appropriateness.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
