he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
So here I am, sexting at work.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
