I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
