the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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