It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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