1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize