I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize