i don't like sucking hair
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
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i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
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I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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