Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
