K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
