I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
