Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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