She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
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