YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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