Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
