she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
