Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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