i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
i think my cat just said my name.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
