I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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