it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
That's how pantless uber rides happen
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
