oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
