the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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