3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
