hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
