He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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