He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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