I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
