You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
