I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
