So gin and wine won't be happening again
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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