I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
