2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
