I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
