ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
