i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
