I want to stick my p in your. b.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
