What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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